I have been percolating on this post for a while. 

At first I wasn't writing because I didn't want to think about or discuss what was happening with my body.  Then after some testing it seemed like I could breathe again and even though I was going to have surgery--it wasn't going to any big deal just remove my right ovary and I would be going home that night.  Crazy, I was going to remove an organ and get to go home that same day.  But all in all it appeared I had dodged a bullet. 

Things never turn out like you or the very over trained doctors plan.   I didn't get to go home that night--I went home 4 days later and came back to the er 3 hours after I was discharged.  So all in all I spent 7 very long days and nights hopped up on pain pills and dreaming crazy dreams and sending some very incoherent emails to my loved ones.

Then I wasn't writing because i was recovering and in shock.  I am still in shock, but two weeks on Ocracoke has allowed the grips of shock to ease up on my psyche.

That grapefruit sized tumor they took out of my body turned out to be malignant.  Instead of one surgery, I ended up having two surgeries that day.  They removed my ovary and tumor checked it out and called in the gynecological oncology team he had on call, if  needed.  I am grateful to him for his foresight and his great hands. He got the tumor out with no spillage and the oncology team was able to do the staging on the same day. 

From a medical standpoint I am considered damn lucky. I have heard this over and over again from my health care providers so I assume, that is what they want to believe. Ovarian cancer is not usually caught at such an early stage and certainly not in someone who is"so young".  The symptoms for ovarian cancer are so typical of many other types of  medical issues that it be difficult to determine what is causing the symptoms  that someone might be experiencing.

I personally,  have not found my word for it yet.  I don't believe this was luck--I was listening to my body, and every time a health care provider tried to tell me it was some syndrome or disease--I would disagree and continue to advocate for myself and against the US health care model of trying medications over testing. 

Seriously, a nurse  and a $400 dollar ultrasound saved my life.  Gotta feel some love for the nurses on this one and for many other times.

I am classified as having Stage 1A ovarian cancer.  I am young and won't need to have chemo and I got to keep my other ovary.  My goal now is to keep this other ovary until I get through "the change" as it were.  My oncologist disagrees with this sentiment, but she might not be my doctor for much longer.  I believe in partnering with my health care provider and mostly consider it a necessity in this day and age of 15 minute doctor visits.  I haven't gotten that vibe from her, so part of my journey is to explore some other options and see what shakes out. 

I am still trying to smooth the edges on this part of my life.  I feel a bit like an alien who has inhabited this person's life and bits and pieces are hanging off and jagged.  Mainly though I am trying to say the words out loud and own how I feel about this this turn in my life...I am recovering from ovarian cancer.   I ran into an old friend from Chapel Hill when I was out on Ocracoke this morning and we were doing that 5 minute catch up with our lives.  Afterwards, a woman , who had overheard our conversation,  came up to me and she was a companion survivor.  We shook hands and acknowledged our common bond.  It was the first time I had met a member of my new tribe and I was grateful, because it can, at times, be a lonely place.

I am starting to feel out ways to share my story, in part to own it, but also to encourage women to find out more for themselves. I knew when started coming back into myself after the hospital-- it was part of my survival pact with the universe that I not waste this opportunity that had been granted to me.  Part of my life's work is to speak for those who are unable to speak for themselves.  I wasn't planning on this detour, but I have accepted that it is now in the mix for what and who I speak out on in this world. 

Feel free to share your health stories that you want to or already own--knowledge is power.

greenteablues  and I are hopping in the car on Sunday and taking off for a grand adventure.  We don't get many of these that don't involve parenting a small being, anymore, so it is safe to assume that it needs to be pretty damn cool--by our standards at least. 

We will be joining the rest of the unwashed masses who are descending upon the DC area to witness the 44th peaceful exchange of power from one political party to another.  As an armchair historian and political nut--I think it is mandatory (for me) to witness an inauguration at least once in my lifetime.  The fact that this inauguration just happens to be such a historical moment in time is a bonus really. 

I have not written about my feelings and impressions of this election.  Working in the electoral process deepened my awe for how messy the electoral process can/could be without dedicated folks who day in and day out, protect this process that allows for a peaceful transfer of power to occur.  This is not to say that there are not some glaring issues throughout the process in both the recent and not so recent past.  Mostly though, it works. 

I think I am still processing what this particular change in power means for our society now.  Taking part in the elections and helping them happen in my own small way has given me a greater sense of ownership and pride for what happened on Nov 4, 2008 for this country.  I feel relief that the moderate middle finally came back and started paying attention.  As liberal minded as I am--I want the middle to prevail--it means that the system is working and the crazies on both sides of the spectrum are forced to compromise.

I particularly love the message of personal responsibility and community involvement that the Obamas' are sending.  It is in some ways, a terribly old-fashioned sentiment whose time, it would appear, has come back for us to remember.  Humans seek community, whether it is in person or online, so how beautiful is it that we are being encouraged and reminded that community is there for all of us and takes commitment to grow and thrive. 

I don't believe that Obama is the one who will take away society's ills and injustices--but I do believe he is a messenger reminding us that we are the ones who need to do the work to right the wrongs of the world.  How you chose to do that and what community you work within is your piece of the puzzle. 

One piece of my puzzle is the ashram in Bali.  A few years ago, I decided that MLK day was when I would honor the work of the ashram in Bali and the continued peace work that they live on a daily basis.  I haven't been so good about that in a few years, but it feels good to have the headspace to acknowledge it and begin to try to figure out where I can fit that practice back in my life.  Another is of course, school, aging work, and my beloved elections.  I used to think it was hard to fit another piece in--and where and what was that commitment going to look like etc...  My family has taken a good bit of my energy over the last few years and what I have begun to appreciate is that when I am ready to make a commitment, the space opens up so that it can happen.  I have stopped beating myself up and feeling guilty for not being involved and what I found was that sometimes just setting the intention helps to create the time.

Therefore, I am formally stating that my intentions after bearing witness of this remarkable event on Tuesday is to continue to find new ways to engage and work with in my community of friends and my community of residence.

I am trying to buy tickets on MARC to get into DC for the inauguration.  They were supposed to go on sell this am at 9 ami--I was up at midnight last night trying to purchase them then.  So can you tell me why in the name of god you would a website would be  "temporarily offline for maintenance"--on the morning and time that it is supposed to start selling tix to DC for the inauguration?

My friends,
After receiving my personal invitation form the NRSC this am, I decided to pass along the fabulous offer so that you too, can participate in grassroots level tweaking.  Why you might ask yourself would I want to do such a thing?  Well since the Dems have now taken the Alaska senate seat and might end up with MN as well--I can rest from my political observations and move back to a place much more suited to my personal interests--certified imp/troublemaker. 

I believe that It is my "duty"  to "help" the Republican party find its way out of the political hinterland and  move towards the center. And if by flooding skewing their results in their little datamining survey helps that cause, then so be it, that is a sacrifice I am willing to make, because I am "real" American from the heart of  the "real" rural red state of NC. 

Won't you join me in the cause because as you can see below--the NRSC isn't tech savvy to figure out how to personalize their emails yet, unlike the dems.   I am positively bereft  elated with the lack of emails from a daily basis Barack, Michelle, or Joe asking me to help in any way I could--but I digress.  What follows below is I am sure a heartfelt plea to the membership to understand what direction to the Republicans should take in moving forward out if this long dark winter night back to the warmth and glow of their lobbyist sponsored junkets to tropical islands and meetings on the golf course, power base in Washington.

It would make my father so proud to know that his joy in life is being passed along to a new generation poised to take up the task of tweaking the Republicans.

Sincerely,
Robena
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Friend --

After the runoff election in Georgia and recount in Minnesota, I will be heading the Senate Republican Policy Committee.

Over the next two years, I will be helping shape the Republican's agenda in the U.S. Senate.

Right now, you can help shape our agenda by completing a short online survey on tax issues:

http://www.nrsc.org/TellUs

Thank you in advance for your participation.

Best regards,

Senator John Ensign
Chairman,
National Republican Senatorial Committee

Two years,lots of attacks, more money spent and raised than I want to contemplate, and it will all be decided in less than 48 hours.  Somebody had some time on their hands to ruminate about the this election season and this is the result.  It is pretty nifty--to use a granddaddy rick analogy.

I have heard several folks talk about what do we if the election is stolen from the Dems.  I have two responses that query.   First, can you conceive of what it took to raise 150 million dollars in 30 days?  As someone who used to raise money for a living-- It is amazing and breathtaking--and it is indicative of the will of the of the people. Which leads me to the 2nd response--we will fight--I think as a country and a people we have a distinct understanding of what is at stake on Tuesday --its that simple.  Gil Scott Heron said the revolution will not be televised--in a sense he is right--it will be broadcast from the internet. 

This past 2 1/2 weeks I have watched over 9000 people come and vote at my early voting stop in my rural county.  County-wide we have exceeded 50% voter turnout before election day.  It has been an awe inspiring and all-consuming event to witness.  I have seen entire families come in and vote--on both sides of the party divide.  I have had African Americans tell me they never thought this day would come.  I have worked with the woman whose mother fought and won, for blacks, the right to vote in Chatham County.  She and I both think that on election day--the souls of countless folk will be watching from whatever afterlife concept you are comfortable with to see how we as an electorate, do in this test for our country's soul.  I will be in my polling place at 5:30 Tuesday morning with my other judges--making sure that our equipment is set up and that we are ready for the lines that will start forming shortly thereafter.

It is no longer feasible to be inactive.  We have seen what complacency brings to our country, I thought that the American electorate was smarter than that--but I watched in us hand over our country in 2000,  2002,and 2004.  We only began,in 2006, to finally catch a clue--so lets go out and finish the damn job.  And then get involved in your local government--the most profound change occurs on the local level.  I am planning on working with the elections board--but I am also eyeing the board of health or the senior board.  That has been what I have been reminded of throughout this campaign--I used to be involved on a local level--and then I stopped--but it is not an option to stop anymore.

So if you haven't voted yet--you better get your ass down to the polling place and VOTE.  Because if you don't you will be hearing Sarah Palin's damn voice for the next 4 years and Mcpain's stock phrase my friends--and folks I can't drink enough to drown out the voices and nightmares those to will cause.



 

I opened up my mailbox today and what do I find in it but a flyer from the NC GOP blasting Kay Hagan for accepting money from the founders of the Godless Americans PAC.   I could give a rat's ass about who Kay Hagan accepts cash from at this point.   All I care about is Libby Dole getting her carpetbagging ass out of NC.  Good Bye and don't let the door hit you on the way out.  Of course I took the opportunity to write another smart ass comment on their website--because truly I don't care anymore and I am tired of the rampant fear mongering

What follows is my comments to the website--some dumb college republican intern is going to have to read this and do something with it.  Poor misguided youth, can you imagine how much worse I am going to get when I hit menopause and really stop caring about diplomacy!

    Thank you so much for your recent campaign flyer that told me about Kay Hagan's involvement with the "Godless Americans PAC."  I love         your targeted negative campaigning--considering that my husband and I are both registered Dem, that it is the conclusion I can draw for     your purpose in sending this inflammatory propaganda. It is not everyday that I learn about a PAC that I would consider supporting, but         this one  certainly fits the bill.  Thank you for reminding me to send money to Kay Hagan's campaign.
    Sincerely,
    A.R. Meek

So really folks lets send some money Kay Hagan's way and if you get some inflammatory flyer from the NC GOP state committee--email them and call bullshit on it.  That is the only way this will stop.

PS I totally want a bumper sticker that states I am a proud godless american.

I missed this interview  with  Margaret Atwood this week in the NYTimes magazine.  I luuuurrrrve Ms. Atwood, she is a big shero of mine.
  I have read just about everything she has written--The Handmaids Tale is on my once a year reading list.

So check out the interview for her comments about Sarah Palin and a few other timely subjects.  Damn that woman has always had an uncanny sense of the future.  if you haven't read Oryx and Crake--it is a great cautionary tale in the same vein as handmaids tale. 

Feeling some love and glee now.
( Read more... )

In the Red

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I joined twitter tonight.  God knows why--I barely have time to coherently post here--or maybe that is why--I am attracted to the economy of words.  It feels like less of an effort to post.  Regardless if you are interested I am as always maisimai.

The elections have taken over my life.  Not having internet access for several weeks broke me somewhat of my feverishly following huffington post and other news sites.  Can we talk about the fact that huffpo is basically porn for liberal political junkies.  But I here I am back on the junk and I can't stop.   God lord the only thing that makes all of this worse is that I am working for the Chatham Board of Elections.  Steeped in elections and political theater until Nov 5th.  Then the transition will begin--or the planning to move abroad. 

In an effort to rationally get everything else done in my life associated with the task of getting into grad school I dropped a class.  Luckily it was the online class, and considering my lack of internet access over the last several weeks it would have been a mess.

The bug turns 3 on Saturday.  I am sort of amazed that we have survived it all.  She is quite the stubborn contrarian.  I have NO idea where those traits came from.  I am sure it is all greenteablues  fault.

On a sad note my granddaddy passed on to the great beyond this past weekend.  I have more to say about his life--but that is for a later date.  The funeral promises to be quite the send off--he was a minister, colonel in the army and some crazy degree freemason. 

I went out and bought white lady clothes for the service today.  I remarked to my mother--that it used to be much easier to buy clothes for mourning--one simply went to a clothier that specialized in mourning clothes.  I miss that level of service--instead I got to fumble around the Talbots and other such stores attempting to find just the right ensemble.  Astonishingly enough my extensive collection of black clothes did not render up an outfit of appropriate formality for the occasion.  Shoes though--not a problem.

More later--I want to listen to the rain and drift off to the land of Winken Blinken and Nod.

I have much to say about the political theater that has been playing out over the last few weeks in the US. 
I laughed, I cried, I fell in love ( with Biden), I watched a lot of PBS--cuz you know I like a little erudite punditry and well the historians as well and read many many many political blogs. 

But it is late and I am on vacation--so more later.  But  I will leave you with this terribly witty comment off the WaPo blog The Fix I like so much.


I loved the Beverly Hillbillies when I was a kid.  Granny rocked the house. But this Palin woman is beyond the pale.
More late,about the rest of the political theater. I need to digest her viterolic speech and bring down my blood pressure  And If you don't know who Bob Cesca is --he is godamned awesome!

Welcome to political propaganda .   My paternal grandmother is a hard core republican--she is also 86 years old.  I don't excuse her politics because of her age--but it seems to me that the "greatest generation" is having a hard time letting go of their particular world view.  She and I used to have major political disagreements--now I tune her most of the time.  Until this afternoon when I got the following email in my inbox about Barack Obama's mother.  




I have made no secret about my admiration about Michelle Obama.  I think she rocks the world and I hope they don't stepfordize her too much as they try to fit her into white house.  I read this article in the New York Times a few months about his mom--and damn I wish she had been my mom. She gave him a hell of a world view and that is one of the many reasons that I support him.  

 So when I got this email today I had to do my part to stop the misinformation.
The following is my response back to my grandmother. 
__________________________________________________________________________________________
Dear Grandmom,

I am not trying to be disrespectful, I know that we disagree about politics.  However, sending me this email did not change my mind about barack obama or voting for him.  The New York Times  wrote an excellent article about his mom a few months ago, that was much more informative than this collection of interesting facts. 

Whatever your motivation may have been, I have been inspired to:

 1.  Make donations to the Democratic National Party and  Obama's campaign.
 2.  Forward this email along and post it in my blog as an excellent example of political propaganda and encourage my friends to make donations to either Obama's campaign or the DNC.

I respect your political beliefs and I love you, but please understand that when you include me in emails such as this--that it does not have your desired effect for me in particular.  I would prefer to continue with our political detente rather than incite the passions.

I hope you and granddaddy keep cool in this heat and have a nice 4th of July.

I love you,
A
_____________________________________________________________________________________

I am encouraging folks to do what they personally can to stop deliberate misinformation and propaganda.  Enough of the lies.  If the citizenry truly wants to stop the course of conservative tyranny in this country--then it is going to take all of us contributing however we can, to ensure that this country we call home becomes the land that it has the potential to become.  The next few years are going to be painful but we, as the citizenry hold the power  to change the course of this country in November.  And it is imperative that we must do so.  I say this not as democrat or republican progressive or conservative--but as a citizen of the United States, a member of the human race,  and inhabitant of the planet earth.

Robena Meek

Yeah I'm rockin' the news stories, what can I say--I enjoy the absurdities of the world.  But this guy is living the libertarian dream.

Tiny Shetland island declares independence

Long live bonnie prince charlie!  Down with the government

Considering the proclivities of certain elements from various members of my family (mostly from the past) this little tidbit from the news was something to be noted. 

What makes it even more delicious--they are from Moore County--home to my oh so upright grandparents.  

Dad busted for still, son for marijuana

My great granddaddy and granddaddy in KY ran 'shine up and down the Ky and Ohio rivers around the prohibition and well beyond. I'd like to to think this would have made them proud.  But seriously why didn't these boys have themselves a few weapons--how else you supposed o keep the law out of your business? I love this country.  

Hillary invited her supporters to send her messages of support through her website.  The  message below is what  I submitted.  I doubt it ever gets anywhere near her eyes--It felt good to do it anyway. 
Political junkie that I am, I am done with the primaries.  I am ready for a nice lazy summer and on to the conventions and the general elections.

******************************************************************************************************************
As a lifelong Democrat and feminist, I am appalled by the behavior of Hillary Clinton over this campaign.  I wanted so badly to a support a woman and especially HRC for president.  But your vote for the Iraq war in 2002 was enough for me to decide that I could not continue to support the policies of fear mongering and triangulation that I see Sen Clinton espousing.
This hardworking white American Woman would like for you to take a long hard look at reality and concede the race.  If Democrats lose because you and your supporters vote for McCain--your political legacy is finished.
--Robena Meek

I guess i should just fess up now. I despise this campaign so much that I am voting for Obama. I am conflicted about it as a feminist--but not as much as I just really despise what she has become. I miss the early '90's when Hillary Clinton was one of my sheros.

I am supposed o be writing my papers for class--but I thought I would take a moment to post about this great series of articles in the New York Times, discussing the rising costs of food and use of energy.  This is the article from the times last week, that spurred greenteablues and I to make our quasi earth day decision that we were actually going to bite the bullet and can and put up food this summer.

I love the New York Times.  I had a poli sci prof (Joe Dodd for those of you in the know)in college, that once told me that the best way to pass the Foreign Service Exam, was to read the paper everyday for a year, and you would get a thorough background in world affairs.  There have been some problems and it is an "establishment" paper, but it is one of the best papers in the world.

Anyone interested in joining us in late July early August in a modern canning extravaganza?

   
   

    I have been cooking quite a bit recently.  It is one of my favorite stress reduction activities. My doctor would prefer exercise, I am doing that as well--but I like to cook and I love food. 
 
    I thought about turning my lj into a food blog--it doesn't encompass my entire inner world though. I did want to acknowledge the joy that I have in cooking for and with others.  A friend of mine celebrated her b-day this week and her party inspired me to create new foods for the bug and I to cook together.  The bug loves to cook and it has been fun to watch her grow into this small person that loves to share this activity with me.   It is an important value to me and one that we come by honestly.  My father's mother loves to cook and entertain and has collected recipes for years--is still collecting recipes really.  She has already promised to bequeath to me all of her hand typed and notated cookbooks--which really means that greenteablues will be building me a built in bookcase in my dream kitchen when the time comes.  The bug is too young to understand all the family and cultural ties around cooking, but I like to think that one day she will appreciate her food heritage from all parts of her  family.

    Local food and how to close the gap when buying produce and other food stuffs has been on my mind recently.  I don't think I am quite ready to go the wholly local food route quite yet--I do love my citrus fruits in the winter and olives and well lots of yummy things, but I have been thinking more and more about what it means to eat locally and how it can help sustain a local economy.  Its interesting, to me at least, to see the the whole sustainability issue  become such a buzzword. Back in the day at the hippie college--they were starting the conversation.  I didn't really pay much attention to it at the time.  It seemed like a common sense notion--but as the world became more global and I can buy watermelon and summer fruit shipped up from South America in the winter--I have started to question why it has taken so long for us to catch a clue.   I am lucky enough to live in mild temperate agriculturally based state.  My own house may not provide me with a reasonable garden,  but  I can take the bug to the farmers markets that abound around here, and on the farm tour--so that she learns that food comes from the ground.  Eventually she will learn that the choices she makes about food can have major impact on many different levels, but for now--it is enough that she gets that the milk she drinks is just right down the road from her friend Sadie's house.

So what are you cooking these days?  And are you thinking about local food and closing the gap?  

I am not going to complain about the rain.  I love days like today--I would probably be happy in Ireland or on the moors of Scotland.  More importantly it has inspired me to make my favorite veggie soup/stew.  Just what is needed on a rainy snifflyalmost spring day.  Just add some warm crusty bread and good cheese and voila, a fine simple country dinner is ready with lots of leftovers for the freezer.   And Jane Austen is on Masterpiece Theater tonight.  This is a pretty good laid back day--we all need them sometimes.